Yoruichi PI and the Urban Legend Killer
by ShiroIV
Summary: I ripped off a 90s slasher, too bad... you could add yoruichi to any story and it'd become infinitely better...even twilight. I'm giving this one an M rating 'cause there is some swearing and sexual references, drug use and murder as well but we all don't mind those do we? Might ship Soul with someone...bet you can't guess who
1. Chapter 1

So… For anyone who was actually reading the Hotel Story I irreparably messed it up so it was discontinued. It was going down a path I didn't want it to….that's what I get for improvising as a write rather than plan ahead. It was also really morbid which isn't very comedic so now I'm gonna rip off that slasher with the urban Legends and you'll like it.

You know the drill. These stories are written in an alternate world with a different timeline from the actual Bleach and Soul Eater stories; there are no Shinigami powers or any other character Powers besides some particular talents that Yoruichi can do (Lethal Weapon 4 style).

About a month after he started at 'Yoruichi P.I' Yoruichi had bought Soul his own desk complete with computer, phone, diary and even a pair of binoculars with up to 50x zoom! They never saw much use though. Only once he'd used them to spy on his landlord Blair taking a bath. So now sat typing up his 'report' on a girl who'd disappeared and her family was raising hell and going on the news to make 'tearful' pleas for information.

After a day on the Case Soul found the teenager. She'd decided to run away from her snobby parents and live in a crack den smoking cannabis with her boyfriend(s). It wasn't hard to find her either, she posted several times on Facebook what she was doing.

Yoruichi was not doing work however…she sang at the top of her voice Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Soul resisted the insatiable temptation to join in, a catchy 90s song with easy lyrics…who wouldn't want to sing along? … Oh, Soi Fon… She stared at the ground with a pained expression on her face

"Have you finished typing up the Missing girl case?" Yoruichi suddenly said

"Nearly" Soul said "I'm trying not to make the girl sound like a complete waste of working organs and skin"

"How's that going?"

"Not well" Soul said do you know any good synonyms for the word 'whore'?"

"Harlot?" Yoruichi said

"Concubine?" Soi Fon suggested

"Wench"

"Skank"

"Ho"

"A Dirty"

"Slapper"  
"Skeev"

"Ah" came a female voice from the doorway "nice to see I'm the hot topic of today"

Soul turned to see Kukaku Shiba standing there, her ample cleavage on show. "If you keep dressing like that people are gonna talk, it's inevitable" Yoruichi chuckled. Kukaku laughed and stepped in. She was carrying something wrapped in a brown paper bag.

"Is that my…order?" Soi Fon said

"Yes it is" Kukaku said. There was a pause and they both stared at each other "…this isn't a Direct Debit, pay up"

"Nearly a month's wages" Soi Fon muttered handing her a considerable wad of cash

"I wouldn't complain" Kukaku said "it's only this cheap because I got this stuff for free…I just killed a guy who happened to have a whole drum of it"

Soi Fon and Yoruichi seemed slightly shocked "What the hell was he doing with a WHOLE drum of it"

"Probably trying to do that thing…you know in the Christian Bale Batman films where they fear toxin the whole of Gotham?" Kukaku said "Hey!" She exclaimed "I could have just prevented a massive terrorist attack"

"I doubt it" Yoruichi said "Is that all?"

"Pretty much" Kukaku said "might stay for a chat, ever since my Uncle returned my duties have been spread out through me and Ganju and Isshin"

"Isshin?" Yoruichi said leaning back on her chair "Haven't seen him since…"

"Yeah" Kukaku said "he's left witness protection and now he's back with a son and two daughters too"

"Where does the time go?" Yoruichi sighed

"I know" Kukaku looked at Soul "So that what you look like when you're not drenched in sweat and solving crimes" She grinned and turned back to Yoruichi "what about this urban legend killer?"

"Huh" Yoruichi looked up to Kukaku "has something happened?"

Kukaku scoffed "Unbelievable, the news is sensationalizing this new Serial Killer in town and you have no idea?"

"Nope"

"Apparently there is some nut job out there killing good old civvies in ways like the old urban Legends, like…there was one chick making out with her boyfriend in a car in the wood at the edge of the desert and guess what?"

"Does he hear a noise, go to check it out and not return?" Yoruichi sighed

"Exactly" Kukaku said leaning forward; her eyes seemed to glow with mischief and anticipation "then she hears a scraping noise on the roof. She gets freaked, starts to drive off" She made a 'crunch' sound effect "boyfriend gets hung, he dies instantly, the car was a Lambo, the acceleration nearly took his head right off his shoulders"

"I call bullshit" Soi Fon laughed

"It doesn't end there" Kukaku now completely engrossed in story telling pulled a spare chair over and sat down, everyone encircled her like kids listening to a story told over the campfire. "Do you know who Marie James is?"

"Nope" Soul said

"Isn't she a babysitter, she came round to my place to look after my cat whilst I was on holiday once" Yoruichi said

"You have a cat?" Soul asked

"Yes" Yoruichi said "he's called Shunko"

"Shut up" Kukaku snapped. Yoruichi didn't reply and shot a fearful look at the ground. So even the fearless Yoruichi had limits… "So anyway little miss Marie was babysitting some scrub's child and she starts getting some serious pervy phone calls"

"Oh god" Soi Fon put her hand on her face. Kukaku punched the side of her head

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

"You said it to Yoru-"

"Who are you getting smart with boy?" She gave Soul a fierce look that could probably crush the moon if applied forthwith. "Now" she said scratching underneath the bandage that presumably kept her false arm in place. "Back to the story. This chick was getting the whole nine yards with the creepy phone calls, so much so she phones the one-time about it" She lit a pipe and took a long draw.

"It's no…" Kukaku glared "Smoking…" Yoruichi said meekly

"The fuzz decide the very least they could do is trace the call, you know with androids and all the new technology these days its shit easy to trace a phone" Kukaku took another draw and blew the smoke at Soul. It didn't smell like tobacco… "The fuzz phone back immediately and tell her to GTFO 'cause the dude is in the house…do people say GTFO in normal conversation…HUH?" She snapped

"Uh…" Soul started

"Shut up when I'm telling a story" Kukaku snapped again "Anyway the chick runs upstairs to an inevitable nothingness, the kiddies are still sleeping and there is nothing out of the ordinary, she turns around…they think… and then THWACK!" She exclaimed "head chapped off"  
"I…I…" Soi Fon shook her head "I can't believe, if you're not lying, this actually happened"

"Well" Yoruichi made a show of crossing her arms which seemed to draw a scowl from Kukaku "What do you want us to do about it"

Kukaku grinned "I'm officially hiring you guys to solve this case, a fifty grand prize if you finish it in the week"

"You have to make a deposit" Yoruichi said

"Here" Kukaku tossed a different wad of cash at Yoruichi, Yoruichi never had time to dodge and the money struck her square on the forehead.

"That's it!" Yoruichi jumped up brandishing her fist "You trying to get yourself killed you cow"

"Huh" Kukaku growled "you wanna die first, you damn were-cat"

"Who are you calling a Were-cat you damn Thai hooker?"

"Thai Hooker?" Kukaku roared "Don't think I don't know why you have a male cat you freak"

"Oh yeah do men pay to have sex with you or for you to have sex with them you stupid shemale?" Yoruichi spat

Kukaku laughed "For a minute there I thought you'd gone soft" She stood up and walked to the door "one week" She said disappearing out leaving a trail of smoke and her intoxicating perfume. Yoruichi sat on her desk.

"A good slagging match is almost as purifying as a spa day" She sighed "it's just nice to get all those feelings out"

"Kukaku wasn't like that when I first met her" Soul said

"She was having a bad week then" Soi Fon said "today was nothing, Kukaku once threw a stick of Dynamite at Yoruichi only for her to pick it up and throw it back"

"It wasn't a big stick" Yoruichi said "anyway, we've got a Mystery and I'm fizzing like a popped sausage"

"What's our first point of entry" Soul said

"Oh I like the symbolism there" Yoruichi said. She picked up her dry wipe pen and walked over to a whiteboard "We have to presume the killer won't use the same legend twice so we've alrady got past the Phantom caller and the Lovers Lane legend, so what's left?"

"Well" Soul said trying to remember some "Pop-rocks and cola, Bloody Mary, Kidney stealing hooker, razor blades in candy and the Hook-man"

"And it's Halloween in three days too" Soi Fon said

"Lets rule out all supernatural ones first so that'll exclude Bloody Mary" Yoruichi said "the killer will still be in town so perhaps we could hold some kind of leg…" She paused and stared at the board.

"In two days there will be a two day class on Urban Legends at the Shibusen" Yoruichi crossed her arms and smiled "I want both of you to sign up for it, it's likely the killer will show up too"

"I see" Soul said "what will we do in the meantime?"

"Err" Yoruichi looked at her watch "Soi Fon you and I will go and look at the Lovers Lane crime scene and Soul you go and look at the Phantom Caller scene, take Shura with you"

"Uh" Soul said "Who?"

"Just go to this address" She handed him a piece of paper with an address on it "if you liked Kukaku you'll love Shura…just don't give her any beer"

"Uh" Soul said dumbly "that's cool"

Yoruichi laughed and pulled out her mobile as Soul walked away. "Hi Shura I wondered if you remember that you owe me" Soul heard her say as he left the building. He looked at the address once more. It wasn't far he could get there in about ten minutes if he walked briskly. Soul sighed as the sun started to dip behind the taller buildings of Death City, despite being very close to the edge of the desert Death City still got horrifyingly cold during the night.

In truth it took nearly fifteen minutes to find the building, a shady looking door in a back alleyway with 'Shura Kirigakure Discreet PI' written above it. Soul looked down the alleyway, it was now fully dark and the only sources of light was a small flickering light bulb above the door and two homeless people warming their hands on a fire inside an old rusted oil drum. With a slight hesitation Soul knocked on the door. After a second the door creaked open and a woman about Yoruichi's age stood before him. She looked just as unique as Yoruichi, her red hair flowed scruffily into a ponytail, and the tips were either dyed or had naturally turned yellow. Her eyes were the strangest colour of purple. "Tsch" She tutted "Yoruichi said you'd look like a little bitch"

"Excuse me?" Soul said

She laughed "That was a joke…retard" She turned and walked back into the building "C'mon, I need some gadgets, this case better be good, damn Cat-a-phile, Yoruichi"

"Isn't the term a Zooaphile?" Soul asked. Shura lazily looked over her shoulder at him

"How should I know?" Shura said "will you close the door too"

Soul stepped inside. It was quite cosy inside. The door was adjoined to a long corridor with four solid oak doors on the sides and another open door at the far end. Shura walked through this door and soul followed. The room was a warmly lit drawing room with old style velvet chairs surrounding a crackling fireplace. This building was obviously one of the older buildings in Death City. "This was one of the first buildings built in Death City, it used to be one of the Shiba mafia's houses but Kukaku gave it to me for payment…I won't say what I did that deserves a three million dollar inner-city manor as payment" Shura explained stuffing two bottles of clear liquid into her bag.

"It seemed a little derelict from the outside" Soul said

"Meh" She shrugged "the hobos like this alley 'cause it's sheltered from the wind and it helps with the sleazy vibe I wanted my detective agency to have"

"Why would you want a sleazy vibe?"

"So the fuzz don't call me up to help solve cases, I hate the police and their damn red tape Yoruichi is a diplomatic shark, I'm more like a…nuke I go off once and nothing can grow there for a hundred years"

"That's sounds sexual"

"Spending too much time with Yoruichi will make anything sound sexual" She slung her bag over her shoulder "can you drive?"

"I've been learning" Soul said.

"Damn" Shura said "I've already had a few tonight might get pulled over…" she shrugged "YOLO"

"I'm gonna die" Soul muttered

"What was that?" Shura asked

"Nothing"

"Relax I hold my drink brilliantly" She said staggering past Soul. Soul shook his head and followed her out of the building. She locked the door behind her. "Typical of Yoruichi copying me"

"How so?" Soul asked.

"I was a private detective first, did you know that?"

"No"

"I also hired a teenage boy before here too" She looked him up and down "you only look three quarters as goofy as he does"

"Thanks" Soul said sordidly

"Chaain, keeps us together" Shura sang to herself as she unlocked a white unremarkable car. Obviously she, like Yoruichi, was a music lover. Hopefully her taste was better than Yoruichi's cheesy 90s euro pop. "Do you like dance music, Soul?" She said sitting in the driver seat. Soul walked around and got in the passenger side.

"Not really" Soul said

"And just like that I don't like you" Shura said "Dubstep?"

"No"

"Modestep?"

"No"

"Horrorcore?"

"I don't even know what that is"

"Trancestep?"

"No"

"Nightcore"

"No…sort of" Soul admitted, despite Nightcore only really being a sped up track it held a sort of attraction.

"Heh" Shura said starting the car "I bet you do like Horrorcore, you just don't know who practices it"

"I don't"

"Eminem's early days" Shura said "Kim, Amityville, Kill you, the way I am are just some Horrorcore songs you've probably listened to"

"Yeah okay, whatever" Soul said. He had to admit despite not being a fan of what people define as 'Rap' early Eminem specifically the Marshall Mathers LP were very good… but not as good as Avenged Sevenfold.

Shura was a surprisingly good driver despite her obvious intoxication. Soul went back to thinking about this case but kept getting distracted by Shura…she smelt weird. She seemed to notice Soul's discomfort. "Oh that's me" She chuckled "I haven't had a shower in…like, three days"

"Why?"  
"Been busy, haven't slept either"

"That's not healthy"

"We all gotta die someday" She sighed and then rather morbidly said "better sooner than later"

"I'm too young to think about dying" soul said

Shura fixed him with her Wisteria gaze "Soul little buddy" She laughed cynically "no one's too young to think about dying"

"Oh" Soul grimaced "your one of _those _people"

Shura raised her eyebrows at him "Elaboration is required somewhat"

"One of those people that got screwed by life and now think it their personal duty to bring everyone else down to their level with their 'big bad life' speeches and assumptions that people are destined to make the same mistakes as them" Soul crossed his arms "I've decided I don't like you either"

"Well that's good" She replied huffily "I didn't want to lament my life story with anyone anyway…asshole"

The remaining of the journey was awkward but Shura seemed to loosen up after she turned on the radio. The house where the girl was killed was a detached two storey wood panelled building, two auburn coloured trees wept from years of torturous desert winds in the garden. The house was creepy; only two policemen guarded the door which was weft with yellow expulsion tape. "Looks like Medusa is here" Shura said looking at a black Bentley. How could a detective afford such a prestigious car? Yoruichi had an Aston Martin but she got paid nearly £100,000 a year and that wasn't including the fortune left over from the destruction of the Shihouin Mafia family of which Yoruichi was the sole survivor. "I love Medusa" Shura laughed "I've got a thing about snakes"

"Okay" Soul said stepping out of the car; Shura really was an odorous young woman. The…lovely…acrid air of the desert helped singe his lungs into an early grave but what the hell, we can't all live forever.

"Can I help you kids" One of the policemen said approaching them

"Kid" Shura laughed

"Kid" Medusa chucked behind them "You've got a taillight out" She handed Shura a ticket "I hope you like walking home"

"I changed my lights yesterday" Shura said. Medusa kicked the taillight in question. It shattered, sprinkling the ground with flecks of red glass. "Oh there it goes"

"See" Medusa said "don't say I didn't warn you, would you like me to call you a cab?"

"No thanks" Shura smiled angelically "I've come for a case of ye' olde severance"

"Why did you bring the Pink Panther with you?" Medusa looked at Soul

"Yoruichi seemed to think the case could use a real detective" Soul said

"That's a nasty thing to say" Medusa said "you've hurt my feelings"

"Just show us the scene; we still have the Golden Pass"

"Don't I freekin know it" Medusa sighed "whatever, you steal anything I'll put you in jail for fifty years"

"Yoruichi said to tell you this" Shura smirked "Reverse Cowgirl"

Medusa's eyes widened "That bitch!" She exclaimed "how did she get the tapes I thought I burned them!" Medusa stalked off to her Bentley and drove off.  
"Have I missed something?"

"Yeah" Shura said "Yoruichi found and duplicated the CCTV tapes from the bank before Medusa found them" Shura pulled out her phones and tapped the screen a few times. She held out the phone.

What commenced made Soul's cheeks got bright red…Medusa sure was…bouncy. Shura laughed, "She's good, I'm sure she could be a Pornstar if she gets fired from the DCPD"

"We've not got all day" Soul said trying to remain calm after almost getting another nosebleed.

"Tsch" Shura tutted "whatever, but you're buying me a six-pack after"

"Yoruichi said not to give you beer"

"Well Yoruichi-Sama isn't here is she?"

"You're not allowed in" The Policeman said as they stepped forward

"Why?"

"Because you're Golden Pass had henceforth been revoked" He replied putting his hand on his gun. Shura turned and walked back to her car and got in. Soul followed

"Hey" he said "what are we gonna do now?"

"Meet up with the Persian princess and exchange boy stories"

"I guess you're the sarcastic one?"

"What?"

"Yoruichi said she was a part of a School comedy routine with a sarcastic seaman, a psychic psychiatrist and a quiet queen"

"That was a riddle" Shura said "The riddle is a key to her past"  
"I don't understand" Soul said

"Yoruichi's past is something many people want to know about" Shura said "I know most of it but there are gaps, I still haven't solved the riddle yet"

She started to drive out into the desert toward the wood that was maybe twenty miles away. Shura laughed. "Look at this chump, his lights aren't even on, its pitch black, I'll flash him"

"NO!" Soul shouted. The Gang initiation urban legend! But it was too late she'd already done it. The car blew past and skidded into a U-turn.

"Here we go again" Shura sighed.

[End of Chapter One]


	2. Chapter 2

Shura sped down the straight desert highway at an alarming speed. Despite looking like an unremarkable car it certainly could go fast. "Oh god" Shura said "why are we running away, we should pull over and let this prick try and kill us then" Soul looked behind at the large SUV chasing them, it's headlights were of full beam and he couldn't see the driver for the glare. Soul had to admit, without Yoruichi there to fight him off he was quite scared. Shura seemed calm and composed. In fact she seemed a little annoyed The car jolted forward as the SUV rammed into the back. "Looks like I'm not the only person to give my engine a little tweak" She muttered "Soul in the glove compartment there is a .45, blow this idiots head off will 'ya"

"I don't know how to fire a gun"

"It's real easy" Shura said "here let me show you" She grabbed the gun and lazily fired out of the window toward the SUV, she never even took time to aim or even look where she was shooting. The shots were deafening. Soul had to cover his ears after the third shot. The SUV skidded to a halt, reversed and performed a J-turn and sped off in the opposite direction. "You little pansy" Shura shouted. She skidded to a halt and jumped out of the car she fired into the darkness of the desert in the general direction of the car. She stopped when the clip was empty and threw the gun. "Wow, she's a psycho" Soul muttered. Shura stared off into the distance and then shrugged.

"Can't take the heat, one had better stay out of the kitchen" Shura said sitting in the driver seat. Soul stared at her.

"Oh yeah" Shura said "you haven't seen Yoruichi properly fight, have you?"

"No"

"I thought so" She said "I once saw her shoot down an Apache with an Ak-47"

"I bet she did"

"Oh?"

"I've been hearing more and more extreme stories about her since I started there, from Dynamite to sneaking into the Oval Office to steal the president's sliver soup spoon"

Shura laughed "Oh good times" Shura sighed "She still has it too"

"There is the turn to go into the wood" Soul said pointing at a sign marked dirt trail. Shura made the turn and started off toward Yoruichi and Soi Fon, hopefully they had more luck than Soul…

[Yoruichi's POV]

Yoruichi was in a singing mood, so she did… at the top of her voice she sang Can't Live by Mariah Carey. Soi Fon looked pained. A usual expression. Yoruichi only really sang to Soi Fon because it annoyed her. It was the main reason Soi Fon would never surpass her, she always got so worked up, she kept taking things too seriously, too literal, she never went outside the box, she never went off the beaten track to explore newfound land…so boring…at least it was better than when she was sycophantic.

"Wanna build a treehouse here sometime?"

"No" Soi Fon said

"It's sealed" Yoruichi said "we're moving the office to the treehouse"

"Please don't" Soi Fon said and it gave Yoruichi another idea for a song.

"We could set up a Synthesiser and sing Tarzan Boy!" She started singing the song and Soi Fon groaned. "Oh oh owe owe oh oh OH OH!" Yoruichi howled

"Stop goddammit we're here" Soi Fon said. Yoruichi slammed into the brakes and skidded to a halt right in front of a Press Photographer who stood hiding behind his camera. Yoruichi stepped out and put her business face on, it was all fun and games around the youngsters but when she was actually sleuthing she was serious. Damn it! Now that song was stuck in her head. She thought as she hummed it stepping out of the car. Soi Fon followed her out. Yoruichi stepped past the quivering blonde Photographer without even looking at him. If she had…

"Detective Spirit" Yoruichi said "what's the case?"

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't know" He said. He kept a brave face this time but both he and Yoruichi knew he was mere putty in her hands "What's the problem, debunking the Commander wasn't enough for you?"

"Oh come now, Spirit" She said putting emphasis on the word 'come' "that's ancient history" she crossed her arms pushing her already very ample cleavage into a more revealing position. She didn't have the ridiculousness of Kukaku but some dudes didn't like women with massive breasts…Spirit wasn't one of these men the bigger the better in his eyes…which were now firmly glued to her bust. He stared…and stared. "It sounds like fun, mind if I had a look?"

"Sure" He said still staring…no wonder his wife left him; such a lecher. Soi Fon sighed walking past her.

"Wasn't he just strangled?" Soi Fon said pointing at the blood-stained rope. There was no body; Yoruichi guessed the Coroners Van they passed on their way there contained the body.

"Yeah" Spirit said "but the car is one of a couple of thousand Lamborghini Aventador's ever made, 0-60 in 2.9 seconds"

"She must've taken his head fully off then"

"And most of his spine" Spirit said looking slightly green but a glance at Yoruichi's bosom cheered him back up "it took a while to find all the pieces"

"I wish I was there" Soi Fon said "I've always wanted a bit of a spine" Yoruichi and Spirit stared at her. "It was a joke" Soi Fon said

"Oh" Yoruichi said breathing a sigh of relief "Wait! A joke? Are you dying?" She said grabbing Soi Fon's wrist and feeling the pulse.

"Jokes aside" Spirit said "have you seen my darling Maka recently, she's just been accepted into the Police academy, She's going to be a Policeman like daddy" He said with a considerable amount of flailing.  
"Stop that" Soi Fon said grabbing his arm after he struck her on the side of the head "you might break something"

"Ah, sorry" he said "say, Soi Fon, are you doing anything later?"  
"Yes"

"What?"

"Not being with you"

"So cold, say, Yoruichi"

"No" Yoruichi said before he could finish his sentence. Enough teasing Spirit there was some sleuthing to be done. Yoruichi walked over to the car the rope was tied to. The rope must've been strong. She inspected it Polypropylene Line…damn it, these things were available at any hardware shop…maybe not one as thick as this one but it'd still be pretty common. Yoruichi sighed "where is the girl?"

"Dead" Spirit said

"What?" Yoruichi said "that isn't part of the legend"

"Depends which one you read, there are different versions" Soi Fon said

"The girl fell off the cliff about a hundred metres that way" Spirit pointed "silly girl had no idea it was there and just ran straight off in a blind panic"

"That was silly" Yoruichi muttered

"Well seen the only witness has her head tanned in at the bottom of a cliff that is both fenced off and heavily signposted, she must've been a right moon unit"

"C'mon let us continue our investigation" Yoruichi said pulling Soi Fon away. She saw someone in the bushes….watching. It's very likely for killers to visit the scene of their crimes. The person had disappeared however after Spirit had started his flailing routine.

"What is it?"

"Man, 6'2" Yoruichi said "I think he's the killer"

"Did you get a look at his face?"

"No it was too dark"

They approached the patch he was in. Some footprints, size…6, what the hell? Why would such a big man have tiny feet? Maybe they weren't his… unlikely, he'd leave at least some and those were the only ones. "Are you sure it's a six foot plus man?" Soi Fon said "'cuz these Nike Air treads are girls'"

"How do you know?"

Soi Fon put her own size six Nike Air clad foot beside the other and took it away. The treads were Identical. It obviously wasn't Soi Fon she had been beside Yoruichi the entire time and Nike's were common trainers. Why had the killer, also, choose to stand in the only bit that was muddy in the entire area? Was it a mistake or a deliberate spanner to throw into the works?

"Hey" came Soul's voice from behind them

"Did Medusa revoke my Golden Pass?" Yoruichi said making a quick deduction

"Yeah" Shura said "so I hear Kukaku Shiba gave you this case"

"She did" Yoruichi said

Shura laughed "Since when did you do cases for someone you tried to kill a month earlier"  
"I helped you in Paris didn't I?" Yoruichi said "I know it was you who threw a grenade into my room the day earlier"  
"Darn" Shura mocked "I thought I got away with that one"

"No you didn't you were merely hired to distract me from the real fat cat whom I'd been hired to…disassemble"

"Anyway" Shura said "we were attacked by the Urban Legend killer"

"So he's dead then?" Soi Fon said

"Nah" Shura said "I started bustin' and then he turned tail and hauled ass outta there"

"Aren't you the regular Crip" Yoruichi patronised "did you hold it to the side and everything

"I held it upside-down, it's a new craze I want to start, holding the gun upside-down and firing with your pinkie"  
"Why would anyone do that that's retarded" Soi Fon said

"I've got a feeling it'll catch on, youngling" Shura said her eyes bored into Soi Fon forcing her to break the stare off.  
"Anyway" Soul said "I didn't have the chance to see him properly but he drove a…SUV"

"It was a black Ford Escape" Shura said "it's got a few bullet holes in it now so he's either gonna ditch it or put it in for repair and we'll snag him if he does"

"Maybe" Yoruichi said "this feels more complex than just one deranged man killing in the form of Urban legends"

Yoruichi pulled out her iPhone, which was nicknamed 'iPhail' since she cracked the screen after her first hour of owning it. She tapped Urahara's speed dial. He picked up on the first ring. "It doesn't take you long to come crawling to me for some technical data"

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Nope"

"Why?" Yoruichi complained

"I'm not at home and this phone is a bit…sucky" Urahara said

"Where are you?"

"I'm having tea with an old flame"

Yoruichi narrowed her eyes "flame?"

"Yes" He said "Bye"

"Who knew he was still getting some" Yoruichi muttered feeling slightly depressed about her not having a man in her bed in over three years. Perhaps she should think about finding a man…Who was available? Spirit would cheat, Soul was a bit young and not her type, Stein would probably dissect her in her sleep, Shura… that candle burned out a long time ago, maybe Kakashi from Konoha he seemed like a nice guy? Nah Yoruichi decided, ninja's were backstabbers by nature. Maybe Revy from Roanapur, she'd once tried to get Yoruichi into bed…urgh, too long distance and she wasn't gonna be like one of those stupid hipster girls who think spending time talking through Skype was an actual way to have a healthy relationship.

Maybe Nel from the DCPD? There were roughly six or seven crack detectives in the DCPD, Spirit and Medusa made two sides of the hexagon, Nelliel Tu Odelswanck was another. The other three were a mystery to her; they never appeared on the news and keep their identity very secret. She preferred to be called Nel Tu as her second name was difficult to pronounce.

Enough of shopping for a new lover there was work to be done. Yoruichi picked up a small piece of plastic. On closer inspection she saw it was an SD Card. "Hey" Yoruichi said holding it up "it looks like we've made headway"

"Neatness" Shura said turning her back and stumbling away "I'm going home to masturbate furiously, drink, masturbate some more and then sleep"

"Have fun with that" Yoruichi said inspecting the card. It seemed undamaged, she'd have to plug it into the computer at the office, or she could just do it at home…Soul hadn't been in her house yet, so she decided to go home. "Right" Yoruichi said "let's go to my crib, check out this SD and then it's a one day holiday before your Urban Legend Class" Yoruichi explained

"I've never been at your house before"

"It'll be a bit messy since I've been busy lately but it's a cosy penthouse overlooking the River" Yoruichi said

"So you live in the new area?" Soul said. Death City was a strange place. It was built around a large rock and had stayed that way for about a hundred years but after Lord Death came in and brought a new era of prosperity new real estate developers came in and expanded Death City into a glistening glass tower metropolis with the creepy oblong structures of the 'Old Section' completely surrounded by new LED lit architecture. A new river had been created from an underground waterway, it cut through the entire city. Now that Lord Death was out of the game Death City was set to become the next Roanapur.

Luckily Yoruichi had decided to get an Aston Martin 'Rapide' which was a four-door rather than their normal two-door supercars. To this day Yoruichi had to admit it was her most prised possession not even Bill Clintons Soup Spoon was worth this much in her eyes. She'd had to get it painted herself since they didn't come in 'Royal Purple'.

The car sped up the highway toward Death City. There were no speed cameras or even policemen out this way so Yoruichi liked to try to get going as fast as she could as she, like Shura, had had the engine modified. She'd once managed to get it going over 210 MPH. Tonight she was driving safe however and only doing 190. Soul gripped the back of Soi Fon's seat so hard his knuckles had turned white. Soi Fon didn't look bothered by the speed but Yoruichi could tell it made her apprehensive. Death City approached quickly, the normal hour long drive taking under twenty minutes.

Yoruichi pulled into the reserved parking spot for people living in her block of flats. Soul was the first out of the car. He staggered out and walked away. "Where are you going Soul?"

"You're a Psychopath" He shouted "you all are insane"

"Hey, you handled it better than Soi Fon" Yoruichi said laughing "she cried the first time I went over 200"

"I was ten years old, I was terrified" Soi Fon said "also you didn't have a drivers licence and it was your second time driving"

"I was seventeen at the time" Yoruichi said "I knew what I was doing. C'mon I'll make hot chocolate"

"I don't believe in miracles" Soi Fon muttered walking past

"That's the second joke you've made tonight, are you sure you're all right?"

"Stop patronising me" Soi Fon said opening the glass door that led into the lobby. The night porter Sebastian sat behind the reception desk. He smiled sweetly at her, it reminded Yoruichi of the type of smile someone gives to someone they are just about to disembowel…frankly Sebastian was the reason she'd put a deadbolt on her door, the creepy Englishman freaked her out. Soi Fon scowled at him, probably for showing interest in her precious 'Yoruichi-Sama'. Soul walked in behind them. "Nice place you've got here"

"I know" Yoruichi said "I had to buy it though; the landlord is an absolute Nazi"

"There are two types of men in this world" Soi Fon said "ones that are content to just stare at Yoruichi and then there are the type that use their Landlord masterkey to sneak into her house and sniff her underwear"

"Eww" Soul said

Yoruichi stopped and stared at him "What do you mean 'Eww'?" She said curtly

"Now you've done it" Soi Fon said

"Are my panties not good enough for you, eh?"

"Yep" Soul said. He frankly couldn't be bothered with Yoruichi's teasing tonight "You're not even in my league"

"Why have I got the feeling you're still a virgin" She said pressing the lift call button

"I-I-I I've had sex" Soul said feeling his cheeks becoming red

"It doesn't count if you've paid for it" Soi Fon said

"It does" Soul said "and damn it I haven't paid for sex I…" he trailed off. He'd be the laughing stock of them for a few weeks at least if he told them he was extorted into losing his virginity by Blair his landlord because he couldn't pay rent. It wasn't all bad; the act of sex rarely was a disconcerting experience unless it was non-consensual

Yoruichi seemed to forget about the subject after she stepped into the lift. She inserted her key into a hole below the rows of floor buttons. She pressed '20' which was the top floor. "There are four Penthouse suites" Yoruichi said "two are empty and the other is owned by a really rich Pimp looking dude called Doflamingo or something stupid like that, he's hardly ever in"

"No one in this town has a normal name" Soul muttered

"Hey, my name is Japanese" Yoruichi said

"Exactly" Soul said "you're not Japanese you're, like, uh, Egyptian?"

"I am a combination of a lot of African and Middle-Eastern races" She said "I'm a quarter Indian, quarter Iranian, quarter Egyptian and a quarter Somali"

"They blend together nicely" Soul said

"I thought I wasn't good enough for you a minute ago" Yoruichi said

The lift pinged and the doors opened. Yoruichi stepped out and pulled her keys out of her jeans pocket. She threw them at her door. They struck the handle and bounced off. "Not today" Soi Fon said.

"I was feeling lucky and everything" Yoruichi said picking them up. She looked at Soul "Ever since I moved here I've been trying to throw the key into the hole…unsuccessful so far"

"I can't imagine why" Soul said

"Shut up" Yoruichi said opening her door "it'll work one day"

Soul followed her in. Every person had a 'smell', Yoruichi's house seemed to have a nice cinnamon smell to it combined with what smelt like baked bread and cat. The cat itself appeared and walked up to Yoruichi and did the usual purring and body rubbing thing that cats seemed to like doing…Soul didn't have a cat, they always seemed menacing to him, like, they seemed to think they were better than their owners. Like the cat wasn't living with the person the person was living with the cat and the cat was letting them live there because they fed them and petted them.

Soi Fon picked it up "Hey little guy" She said she started making rather disturbing cutesy noises. Yoruichi opened up her laptop. "I used to have a Mac" Yoruichi said

"What happened to it?"

"When I realised it sucked I quickly un-owned it" She said

"What's on the SD card?" Soi Fon said.

Yoruichi sighed and put the laptop on her coffee table so everyone could see. Yoruichi clicked the icon that'd popped up on her toolbar. "Let's see what this is, if this belongs to some dogger of something I'm gonna be pissed"

"Get on with it" Soi Fon said.

Yoruichi started the slideshow. They were in luck! The killer obviously liked to take pictures; the first three were of the first victim Marie. Then there was a rather disturbing picture of her dead body…the next one was of Medusa, she stood talking on the phone, there were police cars around her and one of the policemen was pulling a handcuffed, dead, Lord Death out of a the car. "How odd" Yoruichi said "what's next"

The Next picture was of Urahara. He seemed to be walking out from an alleyway as Medusa walked back to the scene. Yoruichi clicked again…Everyone, including Yoruichi gasped. That's when Soul's night got from bad to worse…very worse.

[End of Chapter 2]


	3. Chapter 3

Soul looked at Yoruichi to see how she was reacting to this picture. She didn't move, her eyes were wide and hands were clenched into fists. Soul looked back at the screen. The picture was of Yoruichi, she was asleep. The person had snuck into her house and took a picture of her in her bed. She lay only partially covered by a light quilt; she wore a black vest top and pink shorts with a pattern on them. Soi Fon looked at Yoruichi "Do lock that Deadbolt every night?"

"Every night" Yoruichi said "I haven't forgotten it since I installed it"

"So how does that happen?" Soi Fon said "and never mind that, why isn't he got seven bullet holes in him, not even Konoha get the drop on you"

"I don't know" Yoruichi said "my house is compromised; I'm staying at yours Soul"

"Why mine, doesn't Soi Fon have a house?"

"No" Soi Fon said "remember mine got blown up, I'm staying in a one bedroom B&B"

"Let's see the rest of these pictures" Yoruichi said. She clicked again. There was another picture of Yoruichi, this time it was taken from the building across the street. She stood in her kitchen eating a slice of pizza. She wore a dressing gown over her pyjamas and her hair was down, she was obviously getting ready for bed.

"Eating so late at night" Soi Fon said "you'll get fat"

"Not into BBW's?" Yoruichi asked. She clicked the next picture. It was the young couple engaging in their 'make-out'. Although they weren't making out they were digging a hole. No wonder that part was the only muddy bit, they had disturbed the soil there.

"What were they burying?"

"I'd bet a body, the front of that Lambo was dented" Yoruichi said "I thought she'd maybe hit something trying to get away but maybe now I'm not so sure"

"What's next?"

"Let's see" Yoruichi clicked again. This time it was a dark alleyway with two homeless people warming their hands by a burning barrel. The most shocking thing about this picture was the fact that Soul stood in mid knock of Shura's door. "He even knows you Soul"

"Jeez" Soul muttered "Wait if he knows where I live he might be able to get to Maka!"

"We best hurry over there, it's the last picture" Yoruichi stopped and thought for a second….this timeline was all wrong. Was she supposed to believe that the killer could take that picture of Soul, drive all the way to the forest, and drop that SD card whilst spying on the crime scene AND at the same time engage in a full blown car chase with Shura and Soul? It was all wrong, her suspicion was right, there was more than one malcontent!

"Soul" Yoruichi said "they Perv isn't the Urban Legend killer"

"I thought so" Soul said "the picture must've only been taken two hours ago"

"That must mean…" Soi Fon tapped her chin "it still doesn't explain the feet"

"We'll get to that when we are at Soul's apartment" Yoruichi said. She jogged into her bedroom and came back holding a pillow. "Sleepover!" She grinned

[Maka's POV]

Maka sat on the new couch that Soul had bought with the ridiculous amount of Money he earned spying on old cougars for wealthy businessmen or whatever he did. She took another swig of soda and put the can down on the coffee table. The Police academy was a tedious place, but doing things the right way was good. She'd be a real Detective! They were already calling her a prodigy at the DCPD.

Anyway it was about time to put dinner on, Soul obviously wasn't coming home until late so why wait? Soul did do a ridiculous amount of overtime, eight hours a day was supposed to be a reasonable work pattern but occasionally Soul would work for thirty to forty hours straight. It was probably good for Yoruichi she didn't pay him by the hour. She stood up and walked toward the kitchen, checking her phone for texts or IM's on the way. Only a message from Tsubaki asking if it was a good idea to buy Black Star the newest Grand Theft Auto. Maka replied it was a brilliant idea for it would keep him out of the way for a few hours at least Maka opened the fridge and bent down to pick up a box of breaded chicken…things. They weren't quite dippers... but they weren't quit nuggets either. Such an enigma.

Maka froze when she heard a sound in the living room. It sounded like paper or something being rustled. With her heart speeding up slightly she slowly put down the mysterious chicken bites and grabbed the biggest knife she could…damn why had she convinced Soul to sell that cool scythe he'd found, it'd come in super handy in moments like this but so would a 12 gauge shotgun so beggars can't really be choosers.

Maka heard the front door open and the Soul's voice say "Hey, I'm back" She relaxed and put down the knife. She walked out of the kitchen and stopped. Soul had arrived with a mini harem.

"Uh" Maka said "who are these?"

"Hi" Said the taller dark skinned one, she held a pillow and a pair of pink shorts in her arms "I'm Soul's boss"

"You're Yoruichi?" Maka almost laughed, she didn't look like a private detective in the slightest, and where was the fedora and trench coat?

"Yes I am" She said "and until we solve the current case, were roomies!" She threw her pillow onto the couch and sat down. "Hey eating Pop rocks and drinking Dr Pepper will make your insides explode"

"Huh?" Maka said she looked at the can of juice. Beside it sat a small silver bag of pop rocks, was that the rustle she'd heard earlier. Yoruichi was obviously a crack empath because she stood up and pulled a gun from her pillow.

"Do you think he's still here?" she said

"I" Maka squeaked "I heard him not ten seconds before you came through the door"

The other girl, whom Maka had no idea who she was closed the door and leaned on it. "Is there a fire escape?"

"Over there, what's going on?" Maka said

"Our case is quite a creepy one" Soul said "you know that Urban Legend Killer on the loose?"

"Yeah"

"Well we were hired to catch him"

"Good luck with that" Maka laughed "he leaves no evidence at the scenes"

"Maybe your 'Crack' detectives don't know where to look"

"Hey" Soul said "lay off"

"Your wish is my command whilst I'm a guest that is" Yoruichi said. She disappeared into Soul's room and came back a minute later. "I never knew you had a double bed, you know we could totally share"  
I'd rather you didn't" soul said

"Oh come on" Yoruichi teased "you can rest your head on my boobs if you want"

"Eh" Soul chocked "just sleep on the damn couch"  
"Whatever" Yoruichi said "that was a once in a lifetime opportunity"

"I hope this isn't too much of a hassle to you Maka" Soul said after sitting down on a chair.

"Just as long as she doesn't make too much noise or get in the way, I'll be fine" Maka replied. Yoruichi smiled.

Two days later. Soul woke up; last night was an absolute farce. Blair had come to extort money from them again and came face to face with Yoruichi. Both had purple hair, golden eyes, cat obsession and big breasts…they hated each other. The arguing had continued past midnight and it ended with Yoruichi kidnapping Blair. Maka seemed worried about Blair but Yoruichi would do any lasting damage…would she?

Soul groaned and looked at his alarm clock. Only a hour to get ready for his first day at this stupid Urban Legend class. He didn't know why Yoruichi couldn't be with him for this. She'd specifically said it had to be only Soi Fon and Soul.

After getting ready and promising Maka that he'll make Yoruichi come back and collect her pillow and silly pink shorts Soul left for the Shibusen. It'd been a while since he'd been at the Academy, he wondered if anything had changed in the strange gothic building. Upon arriving, with a little bit of disappointment, he saw that nothing had changed. He caught sight of Soi Fon strolling past a few uniform clad kids. "Hey" Soul said waving his hand. Soi Fon stopped walking, her face remained neutral…she really was warming up to him; she used to scowl when she saw him.

"What time's the class?" Soul asked

"Nine exactly" Soi Fon said "which is in ten minutes, I want good seats, up the back so I can see everyone's face"

"Come on then I know the room it's in"

They quickly got to the room and got some seats up at the back. The class was a typical lecture room like the Shibusen usually used. A large blackboard took up most of the stage. A plinth stood in the centre of the stage, instead of books or paper a laptop sat on top of it…it seemed familiar, especially the Lord of the Rings sticker on it. "Say, Soi Fon" Soul said "Is that Yoruichi's Laptop?"

"Yep" Soi Fon looked at him and grinned "this is gonna be fun"

Yoruichi stepped in the class. Soul's jaw nearly hit the desk, Soi Fon's jaw seemed to act in a similar fashion. "Unbelievable" she muttered. Yoruichi had certainly dressed the part…at least if she was shooting a porno and playing the 'Saucy teacher'. She wore a tight pencil skirt that must have been a few sizes to small, a white blouse that was unbuttoned to show off maximum cleavage, her hair was tied up into a bun and held in place by two chopsticks. She wore a pair of black plastic rimmed glasses. "Hi there everyone" She said "I'm Professor Yoruichi Shihouin, you can all call me Shihouin-Sempai if you want"

"Is she really a Professor?" Soul asked Soi Fon who looked like she was drooling

"Uh" She wiped her mouth "yeah she's a Doctor, an MBE, a Professor in three different studies which are Forensics, Folklore and Anthropology"

"So she's technically Professor Doctor Dame Yoruichi Shihouin?"

There was a deafening crack making both Soul and Soi Fon jump "Hey up there!" Yoruichi yelled pointing a cane at them "Shut up!"

"Sorry" Soul said.

"Good" Yoruichi said the corner of her mouth momentarily curled into a small smile. "Now, what can you people tell me about what an Urban Legend is?"

"They are stories told by people that are completely false and unrealistic" Someone with a pompous voice said at the front. There was another deafening crack as Yoruichi struck the table in front of him.

"NO!" She yelled "They are often called, amongst Folklorists like me, Contemporary Legends. They differ from old Folklore tales which were usually told about unknown menace in uncharted areas to protect young kids and stupid people. They usually told kids about stranger danger or stuff like that rather than burden them with the sickening truth that there were actual people deprived enough to do…stuff to them. These are known as Cautionary tales!

"Urban Legends these days are told more about… fear and Horror, sometimes humour but these days not so much. Urban Legends at their very core usually tell of either one unlucky son of a bitch or someone who has disregarded a rule or regulation due to either complacency or general rebelliousness. At least that's how they started. Now they are just designed to give you as much tingles down your spine.

"All these legends have something in common do you know what that is?"

"Death" Someone shouted out. Soul looked over, I may be the killer. The talker was a young man with shadows under his eyes, he had black hair and a rather tormented look on his face.

"Correct" Yoruichi smiled "Mr…?"

"Just call me Zeref"

"'kay" Yoruichi said. She stopped and stared at someone in the crowd. She turned and walked up to the blackboard. Soul looked at who she'd stared at. A woman roughly Yoruichi's age, she had greenish hair and what looked like a red birthmark on her face. She was quite a striking woman, especially the scar that ran from her hairline down to her nose. This made her much more attractive than some of the other beauties that wandered Death City. Whereas they were all picture perfect and without a blemish on their faces the woman was a broken kind of beautiful, like the Grand Canyon which was a massive scar on the face of the dessert but it was still the most spectacular thing in a thousand miles.

Soul scanned the faces of the other students. Most seemed like normal people here due to the media craze about the killer. A few seemed to be genuinely interested in the subject of Urban Legends and only two, if Soi Fon and Soul were excluded, seemed out of place. Zeref and the turquoise haired woman. "Holy crap" Soi Fon muttered

"What?" Soul asked getting slightly worried. Soi Fon pointed. Yoruichi was currently in the process of bending over and picking up a piece of chalk. "Really?" Soul said "are you even straight?"

"I prefer the term bisexual" Soi Fon said "I keep an open mind"

"I don't think you do somehow"

"Do I have to give you kid's detention" Yoruichi pointed at them, striking a pose whilst she did it. Soul felt the wave of dizziness that usually washed over him before he got a nosebleed. This time he fought it. Yoruichi smiled again and turned back to the blackboard and continued her illustration of what looked like some people around a campfire. "Now there are seven people here, let's get a different Legend for each of them to tell" She pointed at one of the characters "this is Harold; he's a bit of a dickhead, he cheated on his girlfriend with his teacher. What will his story to tell be?"

"The Hookman" Someone said. Yoruichi scowled

"Too boring" she said "this guy is an asshole, he likes grotesque ones"

"Choking Doberman" said another one

"That one's not bad" Yoruichi said

"It's boring" said the pompous boy

"Silence!" Yoruichi snapped. "Yes, the choking Doberman"

Soul continued to examine the other students. A blue haired girl eagerly scribbled down notes. Another boy hid his phone below a book and was on Facebook. The black haired guy; Zeref stood up. "Is something wrong?" Yoruichi asked with a kind smile

"No" he said slowly walking toward the door "I have to use the bathroom"

"You walk slowly, you must have a fast car to get you where you need to be on time" Yoruichi chuckled

"I don't have a licence" He replied. The Urban Legend killer obviously could drive so that rules out Zeref. Only fifty more students to rule out. Although you don't necessarily need to have a drivers licence to be able to drive.

After an hour the bell rang for a break, but since this was only a one hour class it meant it was home time! Soul never really liked school, Yoruichi was a good teacher, and she played fun games and held his short attention well. He might have had better grades if Yoruichi was his teacher. Soul and Soi Fon waited as everyone rifled out of the class. Yoruichi sorted through some papers. "How was I?" She asked smiling

"Are you getting ready to film a porno?" Soul asked

"Of course not, I've managed to refrain from being filmed having sex so far"

"Hi there" Said the green haired woman

"Nel" Yoruichi smiled "I thought at least one of the DCPD's finest would show up"

"She's a Policewoman?" Soul asked

"Not just any policewoman" Yoruichi chuckled "she's a lead detective like Spirit and Medusa, much more analytical than them but a bit more reclusive"

"Yes" She said "I saw Shura had posted on Facebook about your little car chase, she's still upset at me over the whole Vampire case so she isn't telling me what make it is"

"It's a Ford Explorer" Yoruichi said "Black or Dark Blue, it'll have bullet holes in it"

"Acknowledged" She said walking away.

"That there" Yoruichi said when she was away "is the only person in my circle of friends you can trust wholly"

"Who is she?" Soul asked

"Back in the old days there was about eight very unique and lonely girls. Me, Shura, Soi Fon, Kukaku Shiba, Nel, another woman called Revy and another called Erza Scarlet. We found friendship in our…difference. Even now we still hold dear to the promise that if one of us dies the other seven will not stop until the killer is rendered silent"

"Those were the days" Soi Fon said smiling slightly "I haven't seen Erza in a while"

"She's fine" Yoruichi said "anyway when me and Soi Fon joined the army, Kukaku went back to Death City to continue her mafia, Shura started a PI business, Nel joined the police and Erza and Revy both joined different mercenary groups"

Nel popped her head through the door. "We've already found the car" She said "do you want to come and see it with us?"

"Sounds like a plan" Yoruichi said

They all left the Shibusen and got into Nel's car, a comfortable SUV. Yoruichi sat shotgun and smiled at Nel when she started it up. "Ain't you the suburban mommy?"

"This is a confiscation" Nel said "it belonged to one of Shiba's splinter families"

"Kukaku still got you in her pocket then?"

"No" Nel said "Kukaku has specifically told me not to interfere, especially since Medusa is in league with the Kuchiki Clan it'd be very risky to deal with her whilst Byakuya wants her head"

"That's nice" Yoruichi said

"This car is bullet proof but I'm sure I could crack a window with your thick skull" Nel muttered

"You pack a mean right I'm sure you could" Yoruichi teased.

"It's by the Rail yard"

"Ah yes" Yoruichi said "more like a graveyard than a rail yard, how many mob hits do you think are buried under that wasteland?"

"I'm sure if you went out there with a spade and I gave you half an hour you'd find about five"

"You sound like you're talking from experience" Yoruichi said. Nel smiled. "Haven't you got false teeth put in yet, you look like an imbecile with all those missing gnashers"

"No" Nel said turning around a corner "it's became apparent that I'm an attractive woman, the teeth puts some men off and that's a good thing"

"What happens if you really want to have sex with someone?"

"I've got someone in my phonebook who'd drop everything to spend a night with me" Nel said

"Who'd that be?"

"I think you know" Nel said. Soul marvelled at the sheer sexual tension between them, he could practically cut it with a knife.

"They used to be…friends with benefits" Soi Fon whispered to him "I think both of them didn't want it to end"

"What are you talking about back there?" Yoruichi said fixing Soul with her aurous gaze

"Ghosts" Soi Fon said

"I thought you said Black Ops 2 was the last Call of Duty you'd ever buy" Yoruichi said

"Never mind" Soi Fon scowled.

"What albums you got here" Yourichi said opening the glove box. She rifled around, pulled out a gun and threw into the compartment by her feet. "That Glock was dustier than this damn desert, don't you ever use it?"

"Do forget I have Gamuza"

"That Desert Eagle?"

"Yes"

"What CD's" Yoruichi flicked through them "Eagles, Led Zeppelin, Shadows, Mama Cass and Fleetwood Mac?"

"What's that?" Nel said

"It looks like a pillar of smoke to me" Yoruichi said. Soul looked in the direction of the inclinations. There was black smoke coming from the general direction of the Rail Yard "That's not a good sign"

They sped up. Nel was such a smooth driver; she seemed to be a natural. When they got to the car it was already too late. Police officers lay dead around the burning inferno of a car. "Crap" Yoruichi jumped out the car.  
"Freeze!" Detective Spirit emerged from behind a train wheel. His hand covered a gash on his shoulder, the other pointed a gun at Yoruichi. "Damn it" He said. He took one look at the person he was pointing the gun at, saw it was Yoruichi, saw her tight outfit and then collapsed in a heap on the ground.

"I really am a knockout"

[End of Chapter3]


	4. Chapter 4

[Blair's POV]

Blair huffed as she stumbled through the desert. Who did that woman think she was kidnapping her like that and she wasn't just content with kidnapping her! She drove to Blair's apartment and stole her Sexy School Teacher outfit! How dare she! She was too fat for it she'd burst her skirt. She scowled at a cactus that seemed to stand in a mocking position.

She stopped when she just started walking past a huge boulder. Behind it there were two voices. They sounded sinister so Blair decided to crouch and listen in….maybe there was some scandal being discussed! "Shiba, they won't know what hit them" Said a female voice "is it fully operational?"

"No" Said a male voice it was a cultured and arrogant voice "our…scientist needs to fix a few details and then we can utilise it"

"What about the other Six" Said the female again "if Kukaku goes down the other six are sure to go baying for blood and Nel is in my freaking department"

"We'll just have to send someone after them all" Said the man

"Like who?"

"We've already recruited the Mercenary guild Sabertooth and Balalaika sees eye to eye with us now so that takes care of Erza and Revy"

"What about Shihouin?" Said the female, Blair was guessing it was Medusa, that detective from the news "she won't go down without a fight"

"I'll send Hitsugaya after her, once she realises it's just him she'll toy with him but little did she know I've also sent the entire Vizard division after her"

"It's gonna be a slaughter…perfect"

"Soi Fon and Nel will fall to the Vizard too"

"And Kirigakure?"

"A bit of Cyanide in her beer should take care of it"

The woman laughed "It won't be that easy"

"Shura is the weakest of them all, she won't be a problem"

This wasn't a scandal. Blair had to admit, it seemed more like a power play by someone. There was a sound of an engine roaring to life and then a brief tire skid and then the people were gone. Blair emerged from behind the rock. Whatever they were talking about stood nearly 18 feet tall draped in a tarp. Blair knew she shouldn't but curiosity took hold. She pulled the tarp off and stumbled back. "Is that?" She muttered

"Yes" Said someone behind her. She turned to see a woman with strange red and yellow hair "This is a Tomahawk cruise missile"

"It looks like one of those Nuke thingeys" She said

"It is" Shura said "this particular one drives a 200 kiloton Thermonuclear Warhead nicknamed The Shinigami, it was lost by the U.S army after the convoy moving it mysteriously disappeared in the Nevada Desert"

"But a bomb like that would"

"Destroy the entire of Death City" Shura said "that's why he's gonna lure Kukaku and the others to a 'friendly moot' and nuke them"

"Isn't that a bit…over the top"

"This man has tried to blow up Kukaku before" She said "he's just trying again with a bigger bomb this time"

"A lot bigger"

"Not really, last time he used a MOAB"

"A what?" Blair said looking around "where were you, I never saw you hiding"

"I was in that hole" She pointed at a hole. A piece of plywood covered in sand sat next to it"

"How long have you been in there, I can smell you from here?"

"Never mind, go away, I have to dismantle this before he uses it to kill one of my friends" She stumbled past Blair muttering something along the lines of "I'll show you who's the weakest"

Blair stared at this woman hitting the nuclear bomb with a hammer…wasn't that a bit of a hazard. She wasn't sticking around to find out…

[Soul's POV]

Honestly… the Lord Death case was simple compared to this one. Apparently a man…with a hook…killed seven armed policemen and seriously injured a lead detective. This Urban legend killer was a brutal killer. Spirit had been taken to hospital and Nel was just about to leave for a meeting. Soul milled around looking for any evidence. Walking past Nel's SUV he happened to look in the window…oh…my…god! Soul turned and sprinted toward Yoruichi. "Hey where did Nel go?" Soul said

"She's walking to her car" Yoruichi said "but don't scare her, she's easily intimidated when she's in her child form"  
"Child what?" Soul said. He didn't have time for this. He ran up to Nel and grabbed her arm.

She let out a startled shriek and punched him. She hit damn hard! Soul fell back and struggled to get up. He saw Yoruichi start to walk over but it was too late Nel and already jumped in the car and started to drive off "No!" Soul shouted "Stop"

"What is it?" Yoruichi said

"Nel! There's someone in the back seat!"

[Nel's POV]

Nel put her hand on her throbbing temple. She'd have to write that Soul boy a sorry letter but he'd given her a fright and now she was running late for her meeting and to make things worse the brain damage from her head wound occasionally made her revert back to a child mentally.

She looked back. Soul was waving his hands frantically, she'd have to maybe give him some chocolate too, and he looked somewhat pissed… By chance she caught movement, a glint of a silver hook…oh! That's what Soul was saying…didn't she feel like a fool! Did the killer know she's seen him? Yes!

The killer swung his hook for her throat but Nel wasn't the lead batter for the squad baseball team for nothing. She backhanded the killer before he could complete the motion. He jerked back. Feeling Nel's wrath obviously made the killer think better because in one impressively concise movement he opened the door and rolled out. Nel skidded to a halt and pulled out her Desert Eagle Gamuza and jumped out. The killer sprinted toward an alleyway. Yoruichi hadn't called her the Green Lancer for nothing, she had a crack shot, and she demonstrated this by firing a single shot at the man. Blood exploded over the wall, the killers arm just below the elbow fell to the ground.

The killer never stopped sprinting and disappeared down the alleyway. She doubted the killer would be too bothered by the prosthesis as he already had a hook hand to replace it with. The killer was long gone but this arm…was her trophy. She picked it up and wrapped it in a plastic bag. She'd show it to stein, maybe there were fingerprints.

She drove quickly to the DCPD whilst singing along to Barney the Dinosaur's playlist of nursery songs, which would quell her child side for a few days. Nel made quick progress to her meeting. She walked into the meeting room. Five people sat at the table. Normally there would be seven: The chief of police and his seven crack detectives but since Spirit was out of commission and Nel was late there was only five. Nel looked at Lord Death's Son Death the Kid. He was doing a good job as the new Chief but he lacked the sheer brutal ruthlessness of his father. Medusa stared at the arm Nel carried. The other three… brilliant minds, the lot of them. Two were pale young men with black hair, they looked so similar they could have been brothers but one didn't sit…he more crouched on top of his chair eating ice cream. The other stared into space…his bright green eyes held so much yet so little. The final one was a prodigy in every sense of the word…damn Spirit was proud of her.

"I find that handy piece there humorous" Medusa chuckled. Nel dropped the arm on the desk with a thud. Maka looked slightly squeamish. Nel sat on her seat in-between the pale men.

"Since you've brought that arm to us that'll be the Urban Legends?" Said the taller of the two Ulquiorra Cifer

"Yes" Nel said "he tried to 'Backseat Passenger' me"

"Got away safely I see" Kid said

"Actually, your buddy Soul saved me, if I hadn't noticed him waving his arms like a chicken I'd never have noticed him" Nel said. She'd worded it this way to see if she could trust Maka or Soul with Yoruichi's information. Both seemed indifferent…not a good sign.

"We can't waste time" Said the other pale man only known as 'L' "he'll need treatment for such a wound, send word to the hospitals"

"Agreed" Kid said "we've also got another problem"

"What's that?" Medusa said. Death fixed her with a stare.

"We received an anonymous tip about" He paused "the person described it as 'a giant metal penis looking thing'" Medusa laughed, this had Shura written all over it, Nel thought.

"Upon my arrival" Ulquiorra concluded "I discovered it was a large Nuclear bomb, it had been severely tampered with and the ethanol fuel had been" He paused for thought "judging by the human vomit and spilt substance the person had tried to drink the Ethanol"

"Kids these days will go mighty far for a hit" Medusa said "have you dusted it for prints?"

"Not yet" Ulquiorra said "I intend to do it myself" He stared at Medusa "I don't need any help"

"What about" Maka said "Yoruichi Shihouin?"

"What about her?" L said  
"She seems to be an effective detective" Ulquiorra said

"Too effective I say" Maka said

"Nonsense" Ulquiorra said "I see many things, I merely see your distaste for Yoruichi Shihouin as teenage jealousy of her more prominent attractiveness, you'll soon grow out of it"  
"Don't patronise me, Vampy"

"I have no ego to bathe" Ulquiorra said "I have no feelings to quench by humiliating you Maka Alberona but I have no time for petty little dogs who bark at the moon"

"Straight shooter" Medusa said "I'd like to see your girlfriend"

"I have no girlfriend" Ulquiorra said standing up "I have no need for the touch of a woman" Nel caught a split second glance in her direction…she knew he did need the touch of a woman.

"I must see some…" L made a grabbing gesture at thin air "dogs about some men"

"I fuckin hate you people, you know that?" Medusa said

[Yoruichi's POV]

"I'm bored of this case" Yoruichi said "I wanna catch this guy already"

"So, Nel shot this guy's arm off?" Soi Fon said

"Yeah" Yoruichi said "He'll have his right arm missing"

"He obviously won't go to the hospital" Soul said "he'll assume we'll check there"

"Damn it" Yoruichi muttered "who is his next intended victim, me?"

"I don't know he hasn't actually attacked you yet" Soi Fon said

"What do the victims have in common?"

"Let's dig up that body the people were burying" Soul said "maybe it can link them?"

"Right" Yoruichi pulled out her phone. Shura answered almost as soon as she finished dialling

"Hey" Shura said "I drank ethanol…and I can't see anything"  
"Why?" Yoruichi said "Why would you do that?"

"I heard ethanol was alcohol"

"It is alcohol, pure alcohol" Yoruichi sighed and said "you bitch I thought you were being serious there"

"When did you figure out I wasn't blind"  
"When I realised you couldn't have answered your phone so quickly without use of your eyes"

"Very good" She replied "but I did drink some ethanol; I needed to get something out of my stomach"

"I don't wanna know"  
"What do you need?"

"Can you go to the…Clown and pick up the Urban Legend killer; he can point us to the person who has been trying at me from the shadows"

"Oh that's Toshiro Hitsugaya" Shura said

"What?" Yoruichi said "how do you know"  
"I just do" Shura said "he's been after you a while"

"Hmm" Yoruichi said "I've got a plan that actually solves all our problems"

"Good for you" Shura said "did you know I've been sitting in this hole for six days without any sleep, I love it here, I'm gonna move"

"Are you…alright?" Yoruichi asked

"Brilliant" Shura said "I feel like…uh…what's that guys name, again?"

"How should I know?"

"Bear Grylls" Shura said "Do you know why?"  
"No" Yoruichi said "did you drink your own pee again?"

"I think pee tastes good" Shura said "but no, I've been at one with Mother Nature" she whispered "I think we've got a good relationship going, I was going to buy her some roses"

"Go home, get some sleep, I think you've got cabin fever again"

"I am transcendent I NEED NO SLEEP!" Shura shouted. Yoruichi hung up and shook her head; it was worrying how often this happened. Now! Hitsugaya was still young, he'd fall for a trap if it worked but she'd need Kukaku to help for this one and she was difficult at the best times…

[Hitsugaya's POV]

Where did that Matsumoto go now? He wondered as he strolled through Death City keeping his hood up. He'd almost been caught by Yoruichi three times, once when he'd taken that picture of her asleep, then when he was taking pictures at the crime scene she nearly ran him over and then she saw him when he and Matsumoto were watching her from the shadows. Hitsugaya looked at his feet. The trainers were comfortable but he had a suspicion Matsumoto had bought them from the girls' section of the shop. They were purple…did boys wear purple shoes? And where was his SD card, those pictures were a once in a lifetime event.

Through the crowds of people he caught a glimpse of some impressive cleavage. He never got to see the rest of the woman but Matsumoto was the biggest in the town and there was no doubt it was her. Obviously it wasn't… As Hitsugaya stormed through the crowd he grabbed the woman and turned her around. He jumped back slightly when he came face to face with the legendary one armed Mafia Queen Kukaku Shiba. "What do you want, you little punk?" She brandished her fist at him

"Uh" he stared at her cleavage…who was bigger?

"Oh" She said "little perv is it?"

"Wait, no" He said obviously she didn't recognise him

"That's alright" she smiled, "When boys get to your age women's boobs become interesting, you can touch them if you want, they are spectacular aren't they?" She flicked a quarter into his hand "go get yourself some candy or condoms or whatever you kids like to buy these days"

"Thanks"

"Whatever" She pulled out a phone dialled and said only "Albus"

Hitsugaya tossed the quarter at a homeless man and walked away. With a worrying thought Toshiro remembered that Albus meant 'white' in Latin… This couldn't be good. After another hour of strolling around he gave up looking for Matsumoto. That woman was ridiculous. He needed to get rid of Yoruichi whilst Byakuya still trusted him to get the job done, damn Byakuya, he never would have accepted this job if Byakuya hadn't said it'd be the last he'd ever hear from one of those Kuchiki scumbags again. Toshiro stepped onto the road without looking and jumped back to avoid being run over. The back of his head pushed into the softness of a woman's bosom. It had to be her now! "Matsumoto you-" he said turning. With a choked sound he found himself staring into Yoruichi Shihoiun's golden eyes. She smiled sweetly at him. "Bitch" He grabbed for 'Hyorinmaru' his gun that he'd had for years. Another person grabbed his arm, stopping him drawing it. He recognised that honey smell anywhere. "Soi Fon" He said. The only slightly taller girl had her arms wrapped around him. To passers-by it just looked like a young girl giving a young guy a hug. "Okay he said "you've caught me"

"We don't want you" Yoruichi said "you're merely a catalyst"

"Why am I now suddenly very worried?"

"Toshiro my little buddy" Soi Fon leaned right in and abnormally seductively whispered "you're not nearly as worried as you should be if you knew what we are going to do with you"

"Not the wood chipper?"

"Haha" Yoruichi laughed and bent down, her face was only a few centimetres from his, her breath tickled his lips. She kissed his cheek and said "Kukaku Shiba is trading you for the Urban Legend killer, I always thought you were a cute kid…but once she's got you to spill Kuchiki's secrets…you won't have your looks anymore"

"I don't know jack shit about Kuchiki and you know it" Hitsugaya said. Before Yoruichi could reply Hitsugaya head-butted her…she had a hard head! She staggered back. He stamped on Soi Fon's foot and with an annoyed grimace Hitsugaya noticed she was wearing the same trainers as him! He punched her and jumped feet first onto the road. He struck a motorcyclist square on the chest sending him flying off; he grabbed the handlebars and steadied himself. Accelerating he disappeared down the street.

[Yoruichi's POV]

"He's got some moves" Soi Fon said "did you put the tracker on him?"

"Yeah" Yoruichi said wiping blood off her lip "Step one of four"

"Now he thinks Kukaku has the Urban Legend killer" Soi Fon said "I'll admit, when we dug up that body I was shocked"

"So was I"

"So" Soi Fon said "on to Step Two?"

"Yes" Yoruichi said "Nel and Soul are at Kurotsuchi's"

"I'll admit" Soi Fon said "Soul is making Urahara look like a kid, this guys a freekin mastermind"

"It's quite scary isn't it?" Yoruichi said "what will happen if he hones all that raw talent and then we have a difference of opinion…Soul could be the death of us all"

[Soul's POV]

Hopefully this plan would work and he'd look like a cool guy in front of all these big breasted women. Nel had a slight unwell look about her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" She said. She looked at him "You've never met Kurotsuchi before, huh?"

"No why?"

"He's a monster" Nel said "his assistant who only goes by the name Excalibur is equally as bad"

"The Urban Legend will go to this shady guy to get fixed up though won't he?"

"Likely" Nel said "that's if he knows about it"

Soul lounged back on the comfortable seats Nel's bulletproof SUV had. They were parked outside Kurotsuchi's shop which was just a dingy as Shura's PI place was. Finally he emerged from the shop. He looked ridiculous to say the least, what was with all those…things…what was this guy…was he even human? "Nel" He said leaning freakishly close to her. Nel repulsed back

"Yeah, hi"

"What can I do for you, a lobotomy maybe?"

"No!"

"Did the Urban Legend killer come to you?"

"How am I supposed to know who that is?" He said scowling

"Left arm amputee"

"Hmm"

"We've got some…Peanuts" She shook a paper envelope at him

"Ah" He said grinning with a mouth full of golden teeth "patched him up for a fee; he gave me a rather hefty sum of cash"

"Did he wear one of these?" Soul showed him a pair of glasses

"Yes he did"

"I KNEW IT!" Soul said "see ya later freaky guy"

"Thank god" Nel said roiling up the window. Kurotsuchi stared in the window grinning and waving. Nel started the car and drove off. "What now?"

"Well the body…the body!" Soul said "It shows his hideout"

"Now for step three?"  
"Yes" Soul said "the trap"

"And step four is?"

"The fall of the great detective Medusa"

"I don't understand how your brain works" Nel said looking at him

"Neither do I" Soul said "these just come to me in flashes of inspiration"

"If it works… I think you might prove a challenge for even L to beat"

"_if _it works"

Soul smirked. This idea was a rival to his fiasco with Death! He wouldn't fail, not for Yoruichi!

[Two Hours later]

Nel, Soul, Yoruichi and Soi Fon sat in Doflamingo's apartment; he really did act like a pimp with these silly zebra print sofas. Soi Fon rummaged through cupboards throwing stuff behind her as she did. "Hey this isn't your house" Yoruichi said

"What does Doflamingo care, he's dead in a ditch in the woods" Soi Fon said holding out a pink feathery coat.

"It suits you" Soul said

"You think?" Soi Fon put it on and inspected herself in a full length mirror "'cause I don't"

"Take that off" Yoruichi said "Sebastian just texted me, he's here"

Two minutes later the front door opened and the Urban Legend killer stepped through the door. Soi Fon and Yoruichi quickly pounced. The nerdy man never stood a chance, especially without the hook. "I knew it" Soul said "Ox Ford you bastard"

"You went to school with him right?"

"Damn you Soul" He scowled

"He's out to hate you isn't he?" Yoruichi said as he struggled beneath her

"You never did anything at school and why do you get the brilliant job with the damn Harem"

"That was always your problem" Soul said "you never saw me as your equal, you never looked down to see just how close the people below you were, that's why you were so shocked when Maka did better than you in the Exams"

"Then let's hear it" Ox Ford said "How did you know it was me?"

"Hmm" Soul said "that's an odd question…I guess, the Urban Legend class, you were there but I never saw you, you were obstructed by a rather busty Nel"

"They're not that big" Nel said

"You killed Marie because she refused to be your girlfriend" Soul said "and when the media sensationalised it because it was like that Urban Legend you ran with it, you didn't even realise it was an Urban Legend until after you killed her, as, in the Legend, the girl doesn't die and that struck me as odd. So then you saw a way to get famous, this was about the same time as I got half a column on the local newspaper and that made you jealous for whatever reason so you decided to find another victim. That's when you saw Yoruichi…Yoruichi was Yoruichi and damn near impossible to snare so you abandoned it but then you saw someone sneak right into her apartment…"

"Hitsugaya?" Yoruichi said

"Yes" Soul said "you saw he used Doflamingo's apartment and you saw opportunity to get closer to her. You followed the white haired boy to the wood but he knew you were after him and shook you. By absolute perfect coincidence you happened to stumble upon, pure luck would have it, tow kids driving to do a drug deal with Doflamingo. You jumped out of the bushes as a complete invent

"They lost control and mowed over poor Doflamingo and now he was dead and his apartment was free. They forgot about you instantly and Hitsugaya noticed all this and took some pictures of them burying the body. You had to get rid of the evidence so you threw the girl off a cliff. Let's face it. No matter how thick or panicky you are you don't run off a cliff that's clearly signposted. You hung the guy and drove the car like the legend says. Thus making you more famous"

"You must be getting tired of always being right" Ox Ford said "I bet Maka is so happy you are doing what she dedicated her entire life to do without even trying"

"Nobody likes a cynic" Soi Fon said

"So anyways" Soul said "we know how the song and dance goes from there, you drive back and Hitsugaya saw everything and he stuck around to take some pictures. That gave the killer in two places at the same time! Hitsugaya was trying to get a picture of Shura, not me and then he drove all the way down to the wood before us, he must've passed you Ox, with your lights out. Hitsugaya is twelve or thirteen and really shouldn't be driving so he never knew you were supposed to flash people without their headlights. Luckily for you that is; he didn't flash, if you'd tried to kill Hitsugaya you'd be dead already"

"We'll never know that anyway" Ox said

"Perhaps" Soul said "but guns still scare you, once someone pulled one out you turned tail and ran"

"I only had a hook, I trained with it for ages, I still was nowhere near those assassin-class woman you spend all your time with"

"The rest is self-explanatory, you ditch your car, go to Yoruichi's class to get more legends to use but you abandoned it because Yoruichi was a flirtatious teacher and she'd notice you're true side then you overhear Nel say we'd found your car so you run kill the cops, injure spirit and then get your arm blown off by Nel. Get fixed and finally head home! Done and dusted" Soul said "I want a raise"

"I hate you, Soul" Ox said "I've been speaking to everyone in the class, they all hate you. Kim, Maka, Black Star, Kid, Liz and Patty. You abandoned the Spartoi"

"What are you talking about" Soul said "The Spartoi was an after school club and it's only been about a month since I got this job, I think you're blowing this out of proportion"

"Maybe" He chuckled "but you will. One by one they'll turn against you"

"If they don't like what I decide to do with my life then that's their opinion, it won't change what or who I am. I've jumped into the deep end now, toying with the lives of killers and criminals…it's the most alive I've ever felt."

"Shut up and take me away" Ox said "I've had enough of your crap"

Nel pulled Ox Ford away. "So what now?" Yoruichi said "I though you said Medusa was going to die?"

"She's already dead" Soul looked at his watch "yes Hitsugaya would have killed her by now"

"Wait, wait, wait" Yoruichi said "rewind, how's this happened?"

"I set it up"

"Explain"

[Hitsugaya's POV] One hour ago

Hitsugaya screeched to a halt. The motorbikes back wheel skidding. The strange kid standing directly in front of him was rather sinister looking. Those sharp teeth and white hair, not to mention the completely calm expression on his face. "You trying to get killed?" Hitsugaya said

"There is a GPS tracker on you"

"What?"

"Kukaku Shiba has you" the boy said "and there is only one way to get out of it"

"What's that?"

"Kill Medusa"

"And evoke the wrath of Kuchiki?"

"Kukaku will handle Kuchiki"

"Will he now?"

"Yes"

"You still need to sweeten the pot" Hitsugaya said. This job was crap any Kuchiki job was crap but this one really took this biscuit, he might as well try to get more stuff from Kukaku and this albino ambassador. He tossed a Polaroid picture at him.

"I'll tell you where she is" He eventually said. Hitsugaya stared at the picture; Matsumoto was tied to a chair with a strip of ductape over her mouth.

"Consider it done"

"233 Isis" He said "she's alone"

An hour later Hitsugaya and Matsumoto stood watching Medusa. Medusa rapidly placed suitcases in the back of her car and fumbled with what looked like a plane ticket. "I wonder where she's going"

"At the Police Department they've just found her fingerprints all over a nuclear bomb, the warrant for her arrest has just been issued"

"We've to kill her?"

"Yes" Hitsugaya said "wait, who's that?"

Hitsugaya watched as a hooded person walked up to Medusa and in one quick motion pulled out a gun and fired. Medusa barely had time to look up before the bullet bored through her temple spraying blood all over her car. "Looks like there was a queue for Medusa's head" Hitsugaya said as Medusa fell limply to the ground. The hooded figure kicked her and shot her dead body a few times and then walked away…more like swaggered away. "I don't know what the hell is going on in this town, Matsumoto but we're getting the hell out of here and not coming back!"

END!

**Alright! This one was a little messy I worked a whole week backshift before writing this so don't be too hateful about the quality. I did notice Soul rambled quite a bit during his Ox Ford explanation but I can't really shorten it without leaving plot holes…and we know how many of those surround Bleach *Cough* Yoruichi's Shikai/Bankai *Cough*. Also don't forget to read the Epilogue below…prepare to cringe.**

Epilogue

_ Soul typed the last of the report and stapled it together. Case Closed! "Soul" Yoruichi said "on your way home could you drop that report to Kukaku"_

"_Yeah" Soul said. It wasn't everyday he got to look at that chest of hers so he usually took an opportunity to go and see Kukaku._

_ He quickly walked up to the Shiba Manor. Knocking on the door soul waited. He was quite tired. That case certainly took a lot out of him. Kukaku answered eventually, Soul stared. Today she wasn't wearing normal clothes, she wore some kind of ceremonial garb that was red and had a spiral pattern on the stomach. "I take it that's your report from the Urban Legend thing"  
"Yeah"_

"_I heard you got rid of Medusa too" Kukaku said inviting him in. He decided to take the invitation, it actually didn't seem like he had a choice. "You've turned into quite the ally"_

"_Where is everyone?"_

"_Out" She said "I'm all alone, I was just at a meeting, that's why I'm wearing this" She gestured at the outfit. She threw the file onto a coffee table. "Sit" She pointed at a sofa._

"_No I can't stay for long"_

"_I didn't ask" She said. Soul sat. "Working with a woman like Yoruichi must really get a man like you frustrated"_

"_I don't understand what you mean" Soul said. _

_ In one swift movement Kukaku straddled him. "I think you know what I mean" she said "did you know I'm home alone for the whole week, imagine all the fun we could have"_

"_I-I-I" Soul used all mental skill he had to fight off another nosebleed. Those breasts were so close… _

"_C'mon, Soul" She said pushing her body into his and biting his ear. "You may say no but down below it would seem all systems are go. Now go!"_

_ They locked together in an embrace built out of nothing but pure lust. In the brief moment before Soul's teenage brain dissolved into complete primal instinct he thought to himself…What have I gotten myself into now?_

_End…lol_


End file.
